'Tis the Season

Tis the season to be jolly, as they say. Though I don’t see what’s so jolly about singing chipmunks and fruit cake. Those two can go away to the manger and stay there. Just leave the eggnog and elves in place. They’re the highlight. Everyone loves a midget in costume and some nog. Some spiked nog. Some heavily spiked nog. That and buying gifts. I love to buy gifts. Gifts for myself mostly. Gifts for others don’t excite me. Especially since they never like what I get them anyway. Which is rude because that gold fish was hard to win and so what if he was upside down. He was just resting his eyes. That’s why this year I’m doing all my Christmas shopping at the grocery store. You can’t go wrong there. Whatever it is you pick up, chances are someone needs it. Toilet paper? Need it. Canned beets? Need it. Spray Cheese? Need it. They even have free wrapping paper at grocery stores—paper AND plastic. And while you’re at it, you can pick up your egg nog. Just don’t pick up a midget, that seems to anger them.