I went away for a while. I understand if you missed me. Everyone misses me. I even miss me sometimes. Like when I go to sleep I think, “Gosh, I can’t wait to wake up again tomorrow because I get to hang out with myself.” Hanging out is fun. Except when your privates are hanging out of your clothes. That’s not fun. Or is it? You know what is fun? The dentist. I don’t see why people don’t like going to the dentist more. It’s such a nice place. There are smiles everywhere, all sparkly and clean. You get to sit in a recliner and they give you gas. And not the kind of gas that makes people not want to sit by you—the kind of gas that makes you laugh real hard and drift off to the land of tooth fairies and gum drops. Sugar free gum drops since it’s the dentist and all. And what other doctor do you go to where you get to spit in their office then get a prize at the end? I love prizes. If they were smart though, they’d make those prizes candy and cigarettes, not toothbrushes and floss. Candy and cigarettes would get us back in there faster. Toothbrushes and floss will leave them with an office full of empty recliners. “You may be a dentist, but you’re no business man.” That’s what I’m going to say to my dentist next time I see him. I bet he misses me.
