I like to travel and nothing’s better than smooth travels. Actually, smooth anything is really nice, like smooth ice cream or smooth butter—virtually any smooth dairy products—and smooth skin and hair. But almost nothing beats smooth travel. And you know it’s a smooth trip when you’re seated next to a infant on the plane. Especially when it’s a red-eye. He should sleep like a baby, because he is a baby and you didn’t make that old saying up yourself, now did you? Someone who’s never sat next to a baby on a red-eye did. Good thing they serve cocktails at 30,000 feet, because that little guy seems upset—he’s going to need one. Airports, in general, are really exciting. Most people there are going on vacation or traveling to visit old friends and family. It’s no wonder people in airports are always in such good moods. Especially the airport employees; so nice and personable.
Sometimes I go sit at the airport just for people to think I’m going on vacation. It’s a good way to make new friends. I put on my flip-flops and Hawaiian shirt. Rub some SPF-65 on my nose and hang out at e-ticket check in. I tell everyone how excited I am to work on my tan and take my surfing lessons. We share stories about our favorite trips. Well, I do most of the sharing, they’re busy hustling off to catch their flights and sending the TSA over to talk to me and escort me out. They must really like me, to make sure I’m safe like that. I love airports.
